One of the newsletters i like to read comes from a man using the pen name Michael Masterson. The other day he wrote about a conversation he had with a friend who'd given up the rat race. Masterson, who has been very successful, said his adult feelings about wealth--that it brings you tranquility and safety--stemmed from the feelings of anxiety and fear he experienced as the chid in a poor family.
Masterson has spent a lot of time in the pursuit of wealth, but acknowledged that it didn't always bring him the feelings he desired. His friend asked whether he'd spent any time trying to feel wealthy--seeking the feelings rather than the trappings. No, Masterson admitted.
What brings him those feelings? A long lunch with a friend without thinking about what tasks to do when he gets back to the office. In other words, slowing down.Looking through foreign magazines at a news stand to see what's going on in the rest of the world--the acquisition of knowledge rather than stuff. Also, not spending more than you have, so you can enjoy what you have rather than being distracted by the quest for more.
If we look at the lives of rwealthy people it's obvious that many of them aren't very happy--whatever they thought fortune and/or fame would bring them hasn't arrived.
It prompted me to think about what I associate with writing success. Play along--what would major writing success bring you? I'm talking about a spot on the New York Times best-seller list, huge royalty checks, and maybe a movie version of your book. If that's part of what's driving you, jot down what those would bring you. Here's part of my list:
Wealth
Security
Justification (it was worth the time I invested)
When you have your list, jot down some alternative ways to get at least some of those feelings even before you get on the best-seller list (or if you never do). Again, here are mine:
Wealth - enjoying luxuries, but without necessarily owning them. As someone once said, "I don't want to have a yacht. I want to have a friend who has a yacht." We can enjoy great art at our local museum or gallery without shelling out thousands or millions for it.
Security - I define this as being able to spend your time the way you want to. Some people already have this full time, most have it only part-time. But how do we choose to use that time? Do we really enjoy it fully? Or do we spend too much time doing what we "should" do?
Justification - Many of us continue the quest for approval from Mom and Dad long after they are gone. We transfer that onto the world at large. I think this is especially true for people whose parents kept moving the goalposts--nothing was ever quite enough. Now we move the goalposts ourselves. Writing a novel isn't enough, it has to be published. Getting it published isn't enough, it has to be with a major publisher. That's not enough, it has to be a best-seller--and on and on.
That approval has to come from inside, from ourselves: we have to believe we are enough, book or no book, best-seller or no best-seller. Writing is worth the time invested because we are expressing ourselves. If the rest of the world approves, that's gravy.
It could be interesting to spend some more time pondering why you are writing and how to get those feelings now, rather than later. It won't stop you from writing; in fact, it may transform your writing to something deeper and more satisfying.
(For guidance on how to write your book, see "Your Writing Coach," published by Nicholas Brealey and available from Amazon and other online and offline booksellers. Find out more atwww.YourWritingCoach.com.)
