Time to Write

How to write novels even if you have no ideas!

I just got an email offering to sell me an app that takes all the work out of writing romance novels. It’s the “Kindle Romance Idea Generator.”

Yes, I’m serious. The sales page tells me “Writing a Romance Novel Can Mean a Lot of Cash!” It helpfully points out that “Ideas are the lifeblood of any good book,” but the problem is “ideas are hard to come by.”

This app “Generates Endless Heroine’s (sic) for Romance Books.” Hey, what’s an apostrophe between friends?

With one press of a button, you get a full description of a heroine for your romance novel. The sample profile gives such useful information as, “she can not stand the smell of mustard,” and “her favorite hobbies include crafts and pinochle.”

For a small extra fee you also get a profile of the hero and his characteristics.  The sample description includes the fact that"his eyes are chocolate and his hair is light ash brown and his favorite hobbies include pinochle and bmx.”

Who knew that pinochle was so popular these days? Maybe if it’s a saucy romance novel they can play strip pinochle.

 The upgraded app also gives you a clue as to what keeps the hero and heroine apart. One example is that the heroine went to a trendy night club and had a one-night stand with a man she met on the dance floor. She didn’t expect to meet him again, but it turns out he’s the loan officer handling the refinancing of her home. I don’t see how that would keep them apart. In fact, probably it would get her a lower interest rate. 

If I were writing this novel, I’d make him the owner of a mustard factory. She loves him but she can’t stand the smell of mustard and breaks up with him. He opens a ketchup factory to try to win her back but loses everything due to a world-wide ketchup glut. I’d pitch it as a modern-day Romeo and Juliet…two lovers torn apart by condiments.

 See, this thing works!

 (Or you could buy my book, “Your Writing Coach,” but it assumes you have some ideas of your own.)

 

Childhoods of the great authors: Hemingway (Sunday Funnies)

A look inside the unique and bizarre world of an obsession

Below is a fascinating video about artist John Frame. After being ready to give up his artistic career as a sculptor, he woke up one night and had a vision. Ever since, he has been working to make that vision real. If you like tim Burton's animated films you'll find this of interest (the video was made to go with an exhibition at the Portland Art Museum and is about five minutes long):

Childhoods of the great authors: Melville (Sunday Funnies)

Childhoods of the great authors: Kafka (Sunday Funnies)

The writer's fear of revealing too much (& ep. 5 of Sherman Writes a Book)

Are you blocked because you fear revealing too much about yourself in your works of fiction? First enjoy the 5th episode of "Sherman Writes a Book," in which he has a similar fear(it's under two minutes long), then see the tips below for beating this kind of writer's block. (To see Sherman's story from the start, go scroll down to May 1 and then watch them in order.)

 

THE FEAR OF REVEALING TOO MUCH

Sometimes writers develop a block because they suddenly fear that their book or script will reveal too much about themselves. What if everybody realizes (or just assumes) that all of the protagonist's embarrassing stuff actually is the truth about the author?

First, it's true that the best fiction often reflects some aspect of the author. It's almost impossible to write anything that doesn't have some part of you in it. Of course that's not the same as saying what happens to him or her has happened to you. After all, very few writers of mystery and crime novels have actually killed anyone, yet the best are able to get inside the mind of a killer enough to do justice to that character. If they can't do that, the book won't be very good.

You have deniability! Every author is allowed to say, 'I could imagine doing such a thing, that' doesn't mean I've done it' (even if they have). 

Also, let's face it, if you have a passion for writing, that means there's something about your life and/or your thoughts and feelings that you want to convey. As for which parts of your book reflect those, you can keep your readers guessing. 

You also have the power of opt out of interviews and other forms of self-exposure. It didn't hurt the sales of "Catcher in the Rye" that J. D. Salinger was reclusive. In a recent interview, Stephen King revealed that he regretted doing a series of American Express ads that showed his face because from then on everybody knew what he looked like. 

In short, remember that people will think whatever they want to think...but they spend far less time thinking about you then you think they do.

(There's great advice from the best writers about writer's block and a myriad of other topics in my newest book, "Your Creative Writing Masterclass," published by Nicholas Brealey and available from Amazon or your other favorite bookseller. Not just advice from me but from the all-time best writers like Mark Twain, Jane Austen, Anton Chekhov and many more. When you get the book, you get them as your mentors.)

Writer's block and why you need a new definition of success (including ep. 4 of Sherman Writes a Book)

This is the fourth in a series on overcoming the various kinds of writers' block, accompanies by the  "Sherman Writes a Book" animated series of episodes (all under 2 min. long) that started on May 1. You might want to go back to that post and follow Sherman's story from the beginning). 

 

 

THE 'WHAT IF IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH?!" WRITER'S BLOCK

Some writers panic because they fear that their manuscript or script will not be good enough. What if no agent will accept it? What if no publisher wants it? What if they spent all that time writing for nothing?

I won't lie to you, it's entirely possible that you might not be able to see your finished book or script. It's a tough business and the majority of manuscripts and scripts don't sell. If profit is your only motive, I suggest going to Las Vegas and putting your life savings on red or black at the roulette table. At least there you have an (almost) 50/ 50 chance of winning.

However, if you write because you love it or you can't imagine not writing, then I'm afraid you are stuck with the risk. What might you gain even if your project doesn't sell? Well, you might learn something from its failure. You might figure out why it didn't sell and use that knowledge on your next project. Or it's possible that you grew as a person as a result. It's even possible that the process of writing it gave you pleasure! 

The question I always ask people who worry about this is, "If you stopped writing, what would you do instead?" Most of them have no idea or say something like, "I guess I'd watch more TV with the rest of the family," or "I guess I'd read more." Unless you feel like you're really short-changing your family, would you enjoy that more? Would it bring you or them closer together--especially if you secretly felt frustrated because actually you don't want to stop writing?

Do you wish Van Gogh had stopped painting because he wasn't able to sell any of his paintings in his lifetime? Was he a failure as a painter because of that?

Don't deny your fears, just expand your definition of success.

(How about some help from the greatester writers--like Chekhov, Dickens, Twain and another 100 or so more? You'll find their writing advice in my newest book, "Your Creative Writing Masterclass," published by Nicholas Brealey and available from Amazon or your other favorite bookseller.)

Overcoming writer's block (including ep. 3 of Sherman Writes a Book)

Sherman's saga began on May 1, so you may want to start there and work your way forward. Each video is under two minutes long. Below the video we look at another kind of writer's block and how to overcome it.

 

 

THE 'WHAT IF THEY RECOGNIZE THEMSELVES' BLOCK

If you're writing something that is based even loosely on real people, you may wonder whether they, like Sherman's mother, might wonder whether you're writing about them. If you have portrayed them in a less than flattering light, will they hate you? Sue you? 

Here are some tips on how to avoid that:

* Change lots of details so it's not easy to recognize your models for the characters. You can change gender, age, physical description, the setting, profession, hobbies, relationships, etc. 

* Go for hybrids. In other words, mix together the characteristics of several people so that the combination is not that much like any of them. This also gives you deniability. You can say, honestly, "No, that character was not based on you."

* Remember that actually people generally don't know themselves well enough to recognize what you've used, especially their bad traits. Lots of successful authors have commented on that. 

And if you're worried that a totally ficitonal character might accidentally be similar to a real person who coud turn around and sue you, here are a couple of tips:

* If you create somebody really hateful, give them either a common name or an obscure name. The Bill Smiths of the world are used to encountering hundreds of other Bill Smiths and they won't automatically think that an evil character with that name is modelled on them.

If you give the character a very obscure name, check Facebook and Google that name to see if anybody actually is called that. Be especially careful that you haven't give this evil character any characteristics that you spot for someone with a similar name. For instance, if your character is a sadistic dentist named Hieronymous Skitch, and you find there's a real dentist named Hieronymous Skatch, change the name totally.

Frankly, usually fears about this issue usually are overblown. Use a bit of common sense and you'll be fine.

(Want more good writing advice? Not just from me but from Charles Dickens, Anton Chekhov, and Jane Austen? It's in my newest book, "Your Creative Writing Masterclass," published by Nicholas Brealey and available from your favorite bookseller.)

 

Overcoming writer's block (including ep. 2 of Sherman Writes a Book)

Here's episode 2 of "Sherman Writes a Book," the saga that started yesterday. Today Sherman decides to get professional help... (the video is less than 2 min. long).

 

A WRITING BLOCK MAY BE JUST A PLOT BLOCK.

Sometimes when writers get stuck they worry that's it, they'll never write again. Not true. Over the next few posts we'll look at a variety of ways you can get past that block and get your writing flowing again. Today let's look at one kind of block: THE PLOT BLOCK

* Are you stuck on one part of the story? Do you get the sense that if you could solve that issue you'd be able to continue on with the rest of it? If so, you have a plot block. It may feel like you've written yourself into a corner. You don't want to give up, but you don't know the way forward.

If that's your block, here are three practical things to do:

* Take at least 48 hours away from the project. If you find yourself thinking about it, change the subject. Go to see a movie or two, or read a good book, take a long walk or a swim, get plenty of sleep.

* Then state, in general terms, the outcome you need. Take a step back from the solutions that aren't working and see the bigger picture. For instance, let's say that I have my protagonist tied up by the bad guys, it looks like there's no way for him to get away. Maybe I've been racking my brain trying to come up with some clever way for him to get free of his bonds. Now I'd step back and say what's the bigger definition of what needs to happen? He needs to get away.

* Brainstorm as many ways as you can that somebody can get away from a dangerous situation. Don't judge, just list as many as you can. These could include: fly away, get rescued, talk his way out, play dead, etc. 

* After a break, go through your entire list. Cross off the ones you know you don't want ("somebody rescues him = deus ex machina, not good). For the ones that are left, brainstorm how they could work. For instance, talk his way out. What does he have that the bad guys could want badly enough to let him go--under supervision, of course--to get it? Or what could he do to make them think he's actually on their side? Or how could they benefit by using him in some way rather than killing him now? 

* When you have a promising solution you may have to go back to an earlier part of the story to plant some additional information that pays off in this scene, and you may also need to make adjustments to what comes after this scene. 

The key thing to remember: when stuck on a story point, step back and look at the bigger picture. 

(You know who had terrific advice about plotting as well as characterization, description, setting? The great authors like Dickens, Twain, Austen, and the other 100 or so I quote in my book, "Your Creative Writing Masterclass." It's published by Nicholas Brealey and available now from Amazon or via your other favorite bookseller.)

The writer's fear of the blank page (including episode 1 of Sherman Writes a Book)

Today starts the saga of Sherman Shilmeister's attempt to write a book. Each episode is under two minutes long and is followed by some practical tips.

 

THAT BLANK FIRST PAGE CAN BE SCARY. Here are some ways to overcome that fear:

* Remember that you don't even have to start with the first page. If there's a scene later on in your book or screenplay that you know will be part of the story, jump ahead and write that one first. It may help you break the ice.

* Remember that you'll probably end up rewriting the first pages anyway. Don't try to write the perfect first line or the perfect first paragraph, page, or chapter. Just get something down that gets you rolling. You can and will come back to it later to make it better.

* Write three different openings and decide later which one to use. Having several options takes the pressure of you to come up with the 'right' one immediately.

Sherwin's journey continues tomorrow...

(And your journey of writing can be made easier with advice from the greatest writers--like Twain, Dickens, Austen, Hemingway, Fitzgerald, Conrad, and many more. They spill the beans in my newest book, "Your Creative Writing Masterclass," published by Nichoals Brealey and available from Amazone or your other favorite book seller.)