Time to Write

If authors charged like airlines...

Inspired by recent airlines tariffs, I’ve just come up with a new menu of charges for people who buy my books:

 

Basic book: 10.99

Cover: + 1.99

Color cover: +2.99

Page numbers: + 2.99

Binding: + 3.49

Author’s photo: + .05

Font larger than 6 point: + 2.50

Author’s creative anguish fee: + 1.99

Author’s office improvement tax: + 2.49

Now I only have to come up with a good name for my imprint: RyanBooks, EasyBooks, UnitedBooks, BAbooks….the choice is endless.

The amazing true story of Otto Heino

Note to self: stop finding fascinating blogs, they take up too much time! However, until I start doing that, here’s another one: Inpursuitofelegance.com, written by Matthew May, and named after his book.

In a recent post, he tells the story of master potter Otto Heino, who passed away not long ago at the age of 94. He re-discovered the long-lost secret of making a glaze that was a particular shade of yellow. The FBI raided his workshop and the Chinese offered him a billion dollars for the secret. Forget Dan Brown, this is an amazing true story!

(for tips on how to be more creative and productive, subscribe to my free monthly Brainstorm e-bulletin. Just send an email request now to BstormUK@aol.com)

Success in writing by not being a writer

I recently received the present of a copy of the book, “Fierce Pajamas,” an anthology of humor writing from the New Yorker. One of the essays is called “How to Achieve Success as a Writer.” It was written in 1936 by Ruth Suckow. Here are some excerpts:

 “You can achieve success as a writer by not being a writer….The surefire way to achieve success as a writer is to be a celebrity in any other line….As soon as any flier reaches the end of his flight, he may find that he is a writer. Sports is a good line, on the whole…Baseball stars, sprinters, swimmers, even prize-fighters, need have little or no trouble with their writing.

 The government offers broad opportunities for success in writing by not being writers—to Presidents, ex-Presidents, First Ladies, ex-First Ladies; in fact, to all government officials and ex-government officials.

 Nearly all the girls and boys of today hope to become movie stars. They could adopt no better method of achieving versatility as writers…once they are stars, beauty hints, health hints, hostess hints, fashion hints, and suggestions for interior-decorating will flow from their pens, putting the experts to shame….[and] articles telling why they’ll never get divorced from their wives just before they get divorced from their wives. ….A movie star will have spare time to turn out a novel or two, and a bit of profound philosophy…”

 Some things have not changed in the last 70 years.

(If you want to write despite not being a celebrity, see my book, "Your Writing Coach," and the associated website: www.yourwritingcoach.com)

Here's how they write "Lost"

It's funny but I'm not sure it's not true...

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's a moose--oops, she shot it...

Just to show there’s potential in just about any topic: Bluewater Productions recently produced a 32-page comic book biography of…Sarah Palin. 

They say the demand is great and they’ve already done a second printing. They had two endings ready—one with McCain and Palin winning, the other with them failing.

They’re politically equal-opportunity—they also are doing comics about Hilary Clinton and Michelle Obama. 

UK readers, will there be a Gordon Brown comic bio?

Somehow I doubt it.

Guerrilla Art - just for fun

On the blog of terrific French cartoonist Delphine Durand, I saw this reference to a project called Panos 2013—that took the work of artists around the world, in the form of fake street signs, and turned the streets of Lyon into an enormous gallery without walls.

 Here’s one of the signs:

A hug (and a drink) for you on Valentine's Day

Since it's Valentine's Day I thought I'd do an extra post of this one-minute video from Absolut Vodka ("In an absolut world, currency will be replaced with acts of kindness.") It's kind of ironic that it comes from a vodka company, since (sadly) being drunk is the only time most people would feel uninhibited enough to act this way... [if you can't see the video below, you can find it at www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORC8YSS1WrI ]

Merry Christmas (30-second interpretive dance by S. Claus)

I hope the folks at MooseMouse Media don't mind if I share their short interpretive dance by S. Claus animation with you. It's here.

Merry Christmas, I hope you are able to spend it with loved ones and that the coming year is very kind to you. 

best wishes from Jurgen

How to write the perfect disaster movie (sort of...)

There’s a funny article on the Guardian’s Film Blog by Paul Owen  on a ten-point plan for writing a disaster movie. For instance, here’s point 8 (in this case, the disaster is that gravity has started working sideways instead of down):

8. The scientist puts together his team

In a cave underneath Mount Rushmore, the president should introduce the scientist to a crack team dedicated to fixing the problem – which should turn out to include his attractive ex-wife as well as a droll Englishman. The three of them should come up with a plan to stop the disaster – the more unrealistic the better. A good one in this case would be to have someone jump off the Empire State Building like a diving board in order to activate a nuclear weapon that would destroy the moon and thus reset earth's gravity; anything like that, really. Watching a cable news channel as they discuss who could carry out this dangerous mission, the team sees a report from the devastated New York, where the cat burglar is leaping across sideways skyscrapers to save an old grandmother's life. "By Jove," says the Englishman, "I think we've found our man!"

The celebratory mood should be punctured by a brief phone call to the scientist from the head of the army with the upsetting news that "we lost Canada".

(for actual help in writing screenplays, see "Your Writing Coach," published by Nicholas Brealey and available online at Amazon, etc. -- also check out the associated website, www.yourwritingcoach.com)

The history of greeting cards - funny animation by Chris Harding

Need a little break from writing?  Animator and cartoonist Chris Harding made a great short animated video about the history of greeting cards, including how the business treats writers. It's called "Make Mine Shoebox," and you can watch it here.

He also draws a funny comic strip, "We the Robots," at www.wetherobots.com--kind of a "Dilbert" with robots.