Time to Write

Writers, don't say this (Things that turn off publishers and agents)

I read an interview with an agent in which she said there are some tip-offs that she's not dealing with a writer that knows what he or she is doing. One is using the term "fiction novel." A novel is, by definition, fiction, so referring to a fiction novel is like saying "a canine dog" or "a tall skyscraper."

That's why I was surprised to see this book on the Kindle Books site:

From the description: "You will learn how to understand the dramatic structure of a novel (both fiction and nonfiction), and all of the details in between."

Huh? What's a non-fiction novel?

One of the reviews says, "I only got a third of the way through before the incorrect word choices ("bare in mind", "the old barriers... ...is crumbling", "the same person playing every roll")".

There is also "the exact same book," "the imagination and visualization of our mind," and "Your mind places the exactly perfect faces and noses and eyes on the exactly perfect characters."

The author has some interesting ideas: "Reading is like running: like it or not we all have to do it. Everybody on this planet needs to be able to read. And everybody on this planet needs to be able to run. I'm pretty certain that if you are incapable of either of these things then your place in society is going to be decidely more uncomfortable." 

I'd run from this book--and from using the term "fiction novel."

OTHER THINGS THAT TURN OFF AGENTS AND PUBLISHERS

* Query letters that assure them your book will be more popular than 50 Shades of Grey (or whatever is the best-seller at the moment);

* Assurances that your relatives and friends all think your book is great;

* The revelation that you intend to rewrite it but decided to send this version anyway;

* Ideas for merchandizing and spin-offs or your ideal casting for the movie version;

* Offering to pay more than the usual commission, or suggesting a cut in the usual commission.

(You'll find friendly guidance for writing your book in Your Writing Coach, published by Nicholas Brealey and available from Amazon or your other favorite bookseller.)

 

 

Quick, somebody get these writers an editor!

The site Thog's Masterclass contains a nice collection of writing that would have benefited greatly from the attentions of an editor. Here are some of the best (worst):  

"The teacup-sized tears splashed down the front of his shirt..." (The Man With Absolute Motion, Silas Water)

"His two missing teeth could be seen only when he smiled." (The Memory Cathedral, Jack Dann)

"His thin moustache was neatly placed between a peaked nose and two eyes like black marbles." (Assassins Don't Die in Bed, Michael Avallone)

"She took a few paces within, her amber eyes clambering up library steps, sliding along polished shelves housing neatly ranged books within a mellow wood gallery then down the stairs on the opposite side of the room."

"Her breath caught in her throat and her nipple burrowed into his palm like a friendly mole." (Howl-O-Ween, Gary L. Holleman)

"He swept the antechamber with the eyes of a trapped animal." (Among Thieves, Poul Anderson)

And my favorite:

"She wore large bronze earrings made in an obscure country which rattled when she laughed." (Remembrance Day, Brian Aldiss)

If you have any favorites, feel free to share in the comments.

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A word NOT to use in your screenplay or novel outline (and some alternatives)

I've just finished rewriting an outline I wrote for a possible TV limited series. One of the most important things I do when I rewrite a rough draft of an outline for a screenplay or novel is to remove and replace the words "realizes" or "realized".

As usual, I found a few of them in my first draft. For example, the first draft might read, "He realizes that his supposed best friend is not on his side at all."

Potentially a powerful dramatic moment, right? What's the problem?

How do you show somebody realizing something? Do they get an "aha!" look on their face? Do they speak their realization to themselves? Do they just look pained? This is a particular problem for scriptwriters, unless they work on one of those telenovelas in which a character suddenly looks up and sees a flashback of a scene shown a few days or weeks earlier, with the sound featuring a slight echo this time. Then her eyes begin to glisten with tears: Aha! Rodrigo has been having an affair with Margarita!!! Cue big sobs and general over-acting.

In a screenplay we could show what leads to this realization so that the audience will realize it at the same time the protagonist does. Maybe the protagonist sees something on his friend's computer, or he is tipped off by someone else...it doesn't matter what it is, as long as it can be shown.

In a novel it's OK to say that a character realized something because novels do give us permission to be inside the protagonist's head if we want to, but even then it's better to describe the actions that lead to the character's conclusions.  

However, we're not talking about writing the screenplay or the novel yet, just a brief outline. That doesn't give us room to go into details. Instead we just need to use words that suggest they are stand-ins for actions we'll see in the final product.

"Discovers" is a good one. Discovery is an active process. 

"Finds out" is also pretty good. Again, finding or finding out suggest a process, not just a conclusion. We could also write, "He finds proof that..." Proof is tangible.

The best choice depends on the context. Here, courtesty of thesaurus.com, are some more that might fit:

ascertain, bring to light, catch, come across, come upon, conceive, contrive, debunk, design, detect, determine,  devise, dig up, discern, disclose, distinguish, elicit, espy, explore, ferret out,  get wind of, get wise to, glimpse,  hear, identify, invent, learn, light upon, locate, lookup, nose out, notice, observe,  perceive, pick up on, pioneer, realize, recognize, reveal, see, sense spot, unearth

It may be that you are writing about something that is a sudden thought, with no apparent process of discovery involved; in that case, "realizes" or "realized" may be the best word after all. In most cases, though, it's a good idea to look for alternatives. (There are lots of useful tips on writing in my book, "Your Creative Writing Masterclass." You can buy it from Amazon or your other favorite bookseller.)

 

Writing it right: fazed vs. phased

In the (London) Times the other day, journalist Bob Stanely writes, "And he doesn't seem remotely phased by his new fame..." What he meant was fazed.

faze

  [feyz]  Show IPA

verb (used with object), fazed, faz·ing.

to cause to be disturbed or disconcerted; daunt: The worst insults cannot faze him.

phase

  [feyz]  Show IPA noun, verb, phased,phas·ing.

noun

1. any of the major appearances or aspects in which a thing of varying modes or conditions manifests itself to the eye or mind.

2. a stage in a process of change or development: Each phase of life brings its own joys.

3. a side, aspect, or point of view: This is only one phase of thequestion.

4. a state of synchronous operation: to put two mechanisms in phase.

Astronomy .

a. the particular appearance presented by the moon or a planet at a given time.

b. one of the recurring appearances or states of the moonor a planet in respect to the form, 
or the absence, of its illuminated disk: the phases of the moon.

(thanks to Dictionary.com)