A while back someone who works at a hospice wrote about what people regret on their deathbed. Here are the major categories:
1. That they didn’t have the courage to go for their dreams. Their dreams, rather than what was expected of them. Do you have dreams you’ve been neglecting?
2. That they spent too much time working, not enough living. If you are lucky enough to love what you do for work, this will not happen to you. If not, how can you shift the balance?
3. That they didn’t express their true feelings. This usually was about expressing positive feelings. Isn’t it interesting that we find it easier to be critical and negative than supportive and positive? That we find it embarrassing to say to friends or family members, ”You are an important part of my life.” I’ve tried to do this but I understand the hesitancy—what if they are embarrassed by hearing that? Well, how would you feel about hearing it from a friend? That’s probably the same way they’d feel.
4. That they didn’t stay in touch with friends. It takes some effort to go beyond just posting on Facebook, to arrange to spend time with old friends.
Last year I and three others who lived together during our university years got together as a group for the first time since then, and it was great. Yes, it meant a long trip for some of us, and juggling schedules, but it was well worth it.
Are there friends from whom you have drifted away? I love the saying that friends are the family we choose. Sometimes our interests diverge but other times it’s just routine and laziness that keeps us from staying in touch. Is there someone you could re-connect with?
5. They didn’t realize that happiness is a choice. It’s not what happens that counts, it’s how we respond to what happens.
We can resist the social/commercial message that to be happy we have to use shampoo X, wear watch Y, carry around phone Z.
We can choose not to focus our attention on the fires, kidnappings, plane crashes, and sensational murders happening all around the world that the media are only too happy to relate to us in gruesome detail.
We can focus on making the most of our lives, being of service, and enjoying the day.
Wouldn't it be great to get to the end of our lives and discover we have no regrets?
(One way to do more of what you love is to figure out how to focus your time and energy. You can find out how to do that in my book, "Focus: use the power of targeted thinking to get more done." It's published by Pearson and available from Amazon or your other favorite bookseller.)
