Time to Write

Sunday Stories: Divorce Granted (Why not write one, too?)

This is a little experiment in flash fiction, using photos by a very talented photographer, Ryan McGuire, who generously lets people use his images without charge - you can find them at Gratisgraphy. The idea is to craft a story in 100 words or less. If you'd like to have a go, write a story to go with this picture, 100 words maximum, and put it in the comments section.

 

DIVORCE GRANTED ON GROUNDS OF UNREASONABLE BEHAVIOUR

“Your Honour, this is a photo of my husband and this is very typical of him. He doesn’t know when to stop…

No, I don’t think it’s trivial. This picture was taken at my mother’s funeral.”

________________________________________________________________________

                                                     words: Jurgen Wolff' / image: Ryan McGuire, Bells Design

How to get your projects flowing

Do you find that sometimes you're working on a project and it seems to proceed by fits and starts rather than flowing smoothly?

I know I do.

One strategy that helps is at the end of every work session jotting down what is the next logical step, the thing you'll do first when you resume.

It's a good idea to do this even when the next step is obvious. I believe your brain keeps working on a project when you think you've stopped. By pointing it in the direction of your next move you'll find when you resume you feel less resistance.

Try this for a week and notice to what extend you're getting more into the flow--to share your experience, please use the comments section. 

(You'll find a wealth of useful and innovative approaches to getting more done in my book, Focus: Use the Power of Targeted Thinking to Get More Done, available via any bookseller.)

Grammar Gone Wrong (USA Today--hire a copy editor!)

What's the correct usage when you're referring to people that could be either gender?

The exclusionary tradition was "he/his" regardless of whether or not it referred to something that included women.

Some people suggested using only "she/her" for a hundred years or so to even the score but that didn't catch on.

The grammatically correct "he or she, his or her" works but can get awkward when required too often in the same sentence: "When a student leaves for college, his or her parents can be upset about his or her departure and miss him or her dreadfully." (OK, there are less clumsy ways to say that, but you get the idea.)

Some writers alternate, using "he/his" in one sentence and "she/her" in the next. Not great because you tend to make a mental picture of the first person referred to and it feels a bit strange when the next sentence refers to a person of a different gender.

Often the plural is a good solution: "When students leave for college, their parents..." 

Even when referring to one person some writers use they/their: "When a student leaves for college, their parents..." To folks who were brought up to think of "they/their" as always plural this is jarring but this solution is gaining on the others.

Whichever one you choose, the important thing is to be consistent, unlike this example from a USA Today article by Mark Saltzman:

"No one wants his tech running out of steam before they do."

He starts out with "his" and switches to "they," which is especially confusing here because, reading quickly, it sounds like "they" could refer to "tech" as well. 

Another sentence from the same article confirms that USA Today is sticking with their "we don't bother to edit columns" policy:

"If interested, the app also synchs audio at the same time as your notes, perhaps recording what the teacher or professor is saying."

What gets the app interested? And when something synchs with something else, "at the same time" is by definition. The "perhaps" makes it sound like the app may or may not decide to record what the professor is saying. I guess it depends on its mood.

I'm not trying to be overly hard on Mr. Saltzman--I'm sure he could find lots of errors on this blog--but when something goes out in the name of a national newspaper (even a newspaper-lite like USA Today) you'd think they'd have an editor give it at least a quick look.

 

 

Three questions that can change the way you think about your life

If you find yourself being too critical of yourself and others, too affected by rejection or setbacks, there are ways you can correct that. 

The first mistake we make is automatically categorizing lots of things as negative without considering that their longer-term impact may be neutral, or mixed, or even positive.

Can you think of a time something happened to you that you thought was a disaster but in the long run was actually beneficial or at least had some good effects as well?

The most dramatic example from my life was my house burning down. I lost the house and everything in it. And while I'll never think of that as a good event, it did lead me to re-evaluate where I was living and what I was doing and to make big changes that have made my life better.

I've heard similar statements from people who had a serious illness that prompted them to take another look at their lives and made big changes. 

The solution: don't deny the negative aspects, but rather than categorizing the event as a total disaster, be open to any silver linings it might have--in fact, consciously look for them. The emphasis is not on positive thinking, but realistic thinking.

Imagine a situation in which you get feedback on something you've created. Ninety percent of it is positive, even glowing. Ten percent is negative. Which will affect you the most? Which will stick in your memory?

I used to teach a lot of workshops, and if 29 of the evaluations afterward were positive and one was negative, guess to which one I paid the most attention.

Of course it's good to see whether negative feedback contains anything useful, but often the negatives were specific to that person or about things beyond my control.

The solution: At the end of every day, as you prepare your to-do list for the next day. If something negative happened, take a moment to consider whether it yielded any useful information and how you can use that. Then take a moment to think about what good things happened that day. It can help to jot them down in a journal. 

Neuropsychologist Rick Hanson suggests taking at least ten seconds to think about each of these in order to let them transfer from short-term to long-term memory. 

Do your thoughts about one negative experience ever spiral downward into negativity about your situation in general?

A third error we make is to learn from something that isn't really a lesson because it doesn't apply beyond the immediate circumstances.

For instance, let's say you get criticism on a short story you've written and you realize the story actually isn't very good. It's easy to go from "this story isn't very good," to "My writing isn't very good" to "I'll never be a good writer." 

A more constructive run of thoughts would be, "This story isn't very good," to "I can use this to learn to write better," to "There's a good chance I will be a good writer." (And even good writers turn out a dud from time to time!).

The solution: If you feel your thoughts and mood starting to spiral downward, stop. Listen to each statement your inner critic is making and evaluate whether or not it is justified by what has just happened. 

Again, this is not about putting on rose-tinted glasses, it's about not letting negativity run away with you and gradually improving your ability to see things accurately.

THE BOTTOM LINE:

 

As you correct your evolutionary bias toward the negative you will become happier and more productive.

(You will find lots of tips for using creative methods to manage your time and life better, in my book Focus: Use the Power of Targeted Thinking to Get More Done. It's published by Pearson and available from all booksellers.)

Time to put the ice bucket challenge on ice?

It was a bit depressing to see Scotland's First Minister, Alex Salmond, and Alistair Darling take the popular "ice bucket challenge."  If I thought they were doing it due to a genuine awareness and concern about ALS--well, I still would have thought they could just write the larger cheque (the one you're supposed to write if you opt out of the dousing). I guess it's no different from candidates kissing babies or eating a hot dog (or haggis) to show a spurious bond with the common folk  (or the hipsters).

Scott Gilmore, writing in Macleans.ca expressed part of what's been bothering me about this whole thing:

"ALS research is not an especially great need in public health. It is classified as a rare disease...not even close to the top 20 most fatal diseases...It is already well funded...the diseases that are far more likely to kill you and your loved ones are ignored...Instead of supporting what is most needed, we support what is most amusing."

He suggests we remember this: 

Good reasons to donate:

1. Need
2. Influence
3. Urgency

Bad reasons to donate:

1. Ice Buckets
2. Wristbands
3. Mustaches

Sadly, the stunt also claimed the first life the other day when a teen-ager dove into a flooded quarry and died after having the ice bucket treatment. The news report said that to one-up just having a bucket of freezing water dumped on them, quite a few people now are following that act with something more extreme. 

It may have contributed to the death of a New Zealand 40-year-old man who followed it by consuming a lot of alcohol. The Northern Advocate reported the death and noted that "in countless online videos, the exercise is conducted hand-in-hand with the consumption of a lot of alcohol."

In another incident a firefighter was critically injured when a cherry-picker crane from which he was dousing students with cold water got too close to a power line. 

It can also be insensitive to challenge others. I read today about a woman who was publicly challenged; unfortunately she's quite ill herself (something she had not chosen to tell many people) but felt the peer pressure to explain why she wouldn't or coudn't do the stunt.

I mean no disrepect or unkindness to the those suffering from ALS or their loved ones; even if it's a relatively small number, each one brings suffering to a circle of people.

A NEW CHALLENGE

 

It does seem sad, though, that what catches our attention is the gimmick. Here's my suggestion for a new movement:

We leave the ice in our freezer.

We put away the camera.

We think about what cause needs the money the most or speaks to us most, maybe because someone we know is suffering from it or has died because of it.

We write a cheque for that cause.

We tell no one.

Do writers and other creators get their fair share? (Hint: no)

Writing in The Register, Andrew Orlowski points out that "the sharing economy" doesn't always share.  

For instance, Amanda Palmer used Kickstarter to raise $1.2 million to fund an album and a tour, but then tried to get volunteer musicians to play for "hugs and beer" instead of money, saying the $35,000 fee for musicians was too high and the money had gone on recording sessions, promotion, etc. Leaving aside the money she raised on Kickstarter, as Mrs. Neil Gaiman she's not short of a penny or two anyway. Fortunately, once the press got hold of the story she relented.

He also points to companies that use crowdfunding to get started and then are sold for millions or even billions don't share with the people who allowed them to launch their businesses. 

The point isn't that this is illegal, and you can say that the people who contribute to crowdfunding know in advance that they're not going to get anything when the company has a big payday. The real issue as Orlowski says, is hypocrisy. We're sold the idea that the new economy spreads the wealth; in fact, it may spread the love but the wealth stays with the usual suspects.

One more example he cites: Spotify, which pays musicians and songwriters a pittance for having their music on the site. When it goes public for a huge amount don't expect them to up the payments to the creative people without whom they wouldn't have a service. Maybe they'll offer hugs.

Related articles

An author who got others to pay for his trip to Las Vegas

A crowdfunding site and publisher - are they right for your book?

Marketing Your Book: Prime the pump (7th of 10 things you must do)

Scams to beware

Recently I wrote about the Green Shore Publishing scam, where they're using actors from Fiverr to provide fake testimonials on the Green Shore site, and a mail drop as their headquarters, and the books they say have been published don't seem to exist. That company has been referred to the authorities (although so far nothing has changed on their website).

Some writers also fall for "work from home" schemes, hoping to make enough to support their writing. The latest scam along these lines says that Facebook is hiring people to work from home. The very useful site hoax-slayer.com reveals:

"The message is a scam. Facebook has not launched such a program and has no connection to the scheme. The link in the message takes you to a fake Facebook Page that tries to trick you into paying four dollars for a dodgy 'Facebook Millionaire' kit. Fine print on the signup form indicates that your credit card will be charged $94 per month for continued access. Do not be tempted to participate in this bogus program."

Any time you are tempted to sign up for a work from home or other supposed money-making venture, it's a good idea to take the time to go online and check out what others have said about it. I've written before how I feel prety to a "publicist", won against him in small claims court--and was unable to collect. As they say, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure!

Stories you won't soon forget from Humans of New York

Humans of New York is an amazing blog that features photos of New Yorkers along with quotes from brief interviews with them conducted by the photographer.

On the site the photographer writes, "My name is Brandon and I began Humans of New York in the summer of 2010. I thought it would be really cool to create an exhaustive catalogue of New York City’s inhabitants, so I set out to photograph 10,000 New Yorkers and plot their photos on a map. I worked for several months with this goal in mind, but somewhere along the way, HONY began to take on a much different character.

I started collecting quotes and short stories from the people I met, and began including these snippets alongside the photographs. Taken together, these portraits and captions became the subject of a vibrant blog.

With over eight million followers on social media, HONY now provides a worldwide audience with daily glimpses into the lives of strangers in New York City. It has also become a #1 NYT bestselling book.. It’s been quite a ride so far. Feel free to follow along."

At the moment he's geting photos and quotes from Africa, but at the site mainly you will see photos and quotes from New Yorkers. Some of them are hilarious, some are touching, and some are heart-breaking. Here are just two samples:

"I told the truth on my job application about my past drug use, and they sent me a letter saying I didn't meet their standards of integrity."

"My mom committed suicide when I was ten. I’ll never forget the day we went to foster care. It was the last day of third grade. I was riding home on the bus with my brother, and I was so excited about meeting my friend later at the YMCA. But when we got home, all of our stuff was packed into boxes. My dad was sitting on the stairwell, crying. He wouldn’t tell us what was going on. He just told us that we had to leave. For the first couple years of foster care, he’d tell us every week that he was about to come get us. After awhile we stopped believing him.”

When you go to the site be prepared to give it a couple of hours--it'll be well worth it.

 

A pink gun named Lucy

Although I haven't lived in the US for quite a while, the fiction I write is set there and I like to keep close tabs on what's happening. I'm also always on the lookout for interesting characters, and a recent article in USA Today was useful for both:

The article puts the spotlight on Kasey Hansen, 25, a teacher of special needs students in Utah:

"Hansen carries her pink handgun, Lucy, with her every day to each of the 14 schools in which she teaches.

Hansen got her concealed-carry permit a week or two after Sandy Hook [site of the elementary school shooting in Dec. 2012] and participated in a free training course offered to teachers.

She then bought her pink-plated Cobra 380 handgun and started carrying it in her classroom about seven months ago."

The article quotes Hansen:

"I think every teacher should carry. We are the first line of defense."

"I'm not the best shot, but I can hit a target."

Hansen is not as much an exception as you might think. Adults are allowed to carry guns into public schools in 28 states. In some states gun-carrying teachers or other staff members are not obligated to notify the principal or parents. 

Utah may be the most gun-friendly state, with more than half a million people licensed to carry a concealed weapon anywhere, including bars, restaurants, parks and schools. 

Back to Hansen for some final quotes:

"I keep [the gun] on me. But of course, as females we like to wear skinny jeans, so I have to plan accordingly, and I have to wear clothing that will fit it."

"I based it on Despicable Me 2, on the spy Gru falls in love with. She's a secret agent spy, and she likes to carry her lipstick Taser or her weapons with her and uses them on the bad guys, so I named my gun after Lucy." [When the gun is not concealed in the small of her back, Hansen keeps it in a zippered compartment of a rhinestone-embellished pink purse she bought at a gun show.]

"My gun has become a part of me. I named it, I take it shooting at the shooting range, and I always carry it with me. It's just another accessory."

I think that last sentence is going to stay with me for a while.

The problem with "Don't take it personally"

Recently I saw a cartoon in which a man is curled up on the the floor, a letter next to him, presumably a rejection letter. He's crying out, "I'm no writer. I've wasted my life." 

I doctored the text to this version:  

(Apologies to the original artist, I wasn't able to find out who it was)

Originally my intention was to highlight that maybe we writers and artists need to grow a thicker skin because an accountant wouldn't react this way. But thinking about it some more I realized probably there are accountants who feel strongly about what they do and would take it personally if something they did found no favor.

Often we are advised, "Don't take it personally" when our work is rejected.

FALLING IN LOVE WITH A HOOKER

A producer friend put this into perspective rather colourfully. Talking about the fact that when you write for TV or film you don't have control over the final script, he said getting too attached to what you've written is like falling in love with a hooker. On the other hand, he said, if you don't fall in love with it at least a little you'll be a hack writing lifeless material.

Finding that balance is one of the toughest challenges for writers, artists, actors--and possibly for a few accountants as well. 

I wish I could say I've found the perfect solution, but I haven't. The strategy that does help a bit is to let yourself feel the hurt of rejection for a little while, then ask yourself whether there's anything to be learned from it (often there isn't), and move on.

If you experience the pain of rejection with an intensity that threatens to send you curling up on the floor it can be useful to imagine yourself moving forward in time. In three months will this still be a big thing? Six months? A year? Probably not. Remembering other rejections that felt horrible but that you survived also is helpful. 

A LETTER REJECTING REJECTION

You can also lighten your mood by writing a letter to the people who rejected you: "Dear Big Deal Publishers, Unfortunately your rejection of my manuscript does not meet my present needs. This is not a negative reflection on your rejection; I reject rejection for many reasons, including the possibility that I've had similar rejections recently. I wish you good luck placing your rejection elsewhere. Sincerely, A. Author."

Probably best not to mail it.

(Support in a book? You'll find it in Your Writing Coach, published by Nicholas Brealey and available from Amazon or your other favorite bookseller--why not order it via your local independent book shop?)

An author who got others to pay for his trip to Las Vegas

You may know of Kickstarter, the crowdfunding site where you can ask people to finance your invention or, in this case, postcards.

Julian Gough, past winner of the National Short Story Prize, set out to raise $1500 to pay for his trip to Las Vegas, where his next novel is set. He called the project a literary experiment. Forty-eight hours later 148 backers have brought his total to $5108. 

Crowdfunding always involves giving your donors or sponsors a reward. In this case, that consists of a PDF version of a new short story, updates on his travels posted on his Kickstarter site, and (for everyone who kicks in more than $10) a postcard from Las Vegas. 

So far, 56 backers opted to pledge $25 or more, for which they get the story plus a coffee- or whiskey-stained postcard with "a couple of creative lines about my stay in Vegas." He says, "It may be truth or fiction. You'll never know."

For $40 your postcard will have coffee, beer or whiskey stains plus lipstick. You can also give him a key word to inspire his message on the postcard. 

If you want a bullet hole through the postcard, that will run you $100. Yes, eight people have opted for that so far.

Nice work if you can get it!

Related articles

Writing 12 novels in 12 months with Crowd Funding

A crowdfunding site and publisher - are they right for your book?

The Amazing Kickstarter result for this writer

Marketing Your Book: Prime the pump (7th of 10 things you must do)

Robin Williams, the inner critic, and you (and me)

I had two small connections with Robin Williams. He optioned a movie script I wrote but I didn't meet him then, only his representatives.  Of course I was disappointed when he went on to make a different movie and the option lapsed (the movie eventually was made starring Kelsey Grammer). 

The other one was an open mic night at the Comedy Store on Sunset Blvd. in Los Angeles. I was there with a friend when Williams appeared unexpectedly to try out some new material. He was funny, he interacted with the audience (he made a crack about the shirt my friend was wearing), but then a strange thing happened.

He couldn't stop.

He even said at one point, "I don't have a finish." We thought that WAS the finish, but then he started up again and gradually the mood shifted and we caught a glimpse of the desperation underlying the fun.

In my workshops I always mention the importance of taming your harsh inner critic. It's the voice or feeling that tells you that what you're doing is not good enough or, even worse, that you are not good enough. Most of us have a voice like this, and from what I saw and have since read about Williams, his was particularly strong. That's not to say that was the reason for his suicide but I'm sure it was one factor.

Everybody needs support and understanding, not least from themselves. When getting criticism is part of the job, as it is for writers, actors, and people in the other creative professions, it's easy to let a harsh inner critic get the upper hand. I've suffered from clinical depression and, again, the inner critic is not the only cause but it certainly plays a role. 

I have a short audio visualisation that can help you start to transform your inner critic into a constructive inner guide. If this is an issue that's causing you any distress, please email me at jurgenwolff(at)gmail.com and I'll send you the audio as an mp3 download--no charge.

And if you ever feel that your self-doubt is sending you on a downward spiral, don't hesitate to get professional help. When you're in the middle of that kind of descent it can feel like there's no way back, but there is. 

Why writers need courage (& 2 tips for getting it)

The need for authors to have courage came up at the summer conference of the Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators. 

Author-illustrator Tomie dePaola said, "“Sometimes I still get up in the morning, I face the blank piece of paper and my brushes are clean and ready to go, and I panic. I know I’m going to make a mistake. So I get that over with, rip it up, and then get on with it.”

There's tip number one: Start by writing an intentionally bad sentence. Make it the worst sentence you can think of to express the thought. Then throw that one away and get to work.

World-famous author Judy Blume said, "“Tomie talked about courage. I was far from a courageous or brave child. I was timid, shy, quiet – except inside my head. Inside my head I was this other person. I was Madeline! I was brave! When it came to my writing, I never thought twice about it: I was brave in my writing in a way that I wasn’t in my life.”

She added tip number two: “Do not let anyone discourage you. If they try, get angry, not depressed.” (To which I would add, be sure you get angry at them, not at yourself.)

Related articles

Are you in the timid middle?

Hemingway's Iceberg

"If it is any use to know it, I always try to write on the principle of the iceberg. There is seven-eighths of it underwater for every part that shows. Anything you know you can eliminate and it only strengthens your iceberg. It is the part that doesn’t show. If a writer omits something because he does not know it then there is a hole in the story." - Ernest Hemingway

I think this is useful at two points.

First, it underscores the importance of getting to know our characters, including many things we will not end up including in the script or manuscript.

Second, when revising the first draft cut the bits where you've pictured the entire iceberg for the reader. Leave the one-eighth that allows the reader to know or at least sense the other seven-eighths. 

Related articles

Do you have defining moments like this in your script or novel?

Hemingway on how to practice to be a good writer

This charming two-minute video shows why creativity takes time

The charming short (2 minute) video below uses kids to demonstrate the difference between going with your first idea and giving yourself enough time to come up with something more creative: