Is a story 7500 words long a book? No, I don't think so, either, but that's what an outfit called "Authors in a Flash" is offering as "sizzling hot fiction romance books" for you to buy and put your name on. They'll even write an "about the author" blurb for you.
The available titles include A Brother's Betrayal, Love's Castle, and Shadow of Romance. I was going to share a little sample of A Brother's Betrayal with you, but somebody has bought it for $397.
How about the somewhat confusingly titled Egypt and in Love? Here's the description:
True romance and love can be found anywhere and even more so can be found in the sands of time along the banks of the River Nile. When love sends a Prince to distant lands to save a Princess, he must survive a treacherous landscape, bow to the feet of Pharaohs and battle creatures that have cursed the very heart of Egypt to save his loved one. This gripping saga follows the courageous adventures of the Prince in this awesome historical romance thriller.
The quality of the blurb doesn't inspire too much confidence. Were the Pharoahs foot fetishists? You had to bow to their feet?
NEXT PARAGRAPH BARELY SAFE FOR THE OFFICE
Here's a sample from Shadows of Romance:
He was looking at her with a kind of wild need. His jaw looked stiff, his lips were closed tight and his eyes mirrored the need of the quiet plea he had just made.
"Angela, please don’t stop."
She braced her hands on the back of the bench and moved her body up and down. His hands over her hips, he used them to guide her body as she slid over him. With every rocking motion down, she felt an erotic pressure building that she desperately wanted to satisfy. (I thought purple was a good color for the text.)
I'm assuming they have a stable of people pounding away at typewriters somewhere in the third world. Either that or a computer that eats Barbara Cartland novels and remixes them 7500 words at a time.
WHAT YOU GET
For your $397 you get the the text in a variety of ebook formats, the cover image, five images that appear inside the book, and the copyright.
For an additional fee they will personalize the book for you. That means you can put your name on the cover, add an "about the (non) author" section and fool your friends into thinking you are capable of this kind of fine writing.
Then you can put the "book" up for sale on Amazon and other sites and wait for the money to roll in.
HOW MUCH CAN YOU MAKE?
According to their FAQ:
"Thre (sic) are several factors that will determine this. Using a Authors In A Flash Book will allow you to get a Head Start as all your Metadata is tailored to get your titles discovered by readers searching for a specific topic which gives you an edge in the game. Once your book is live it depends on the additional marketing that you do which will help with sales."
That metadata thing makes sure that if somebody is searching for erotic fiction set in Egypt, or "bowing to feet of Pharoahs," for instance, they will find Egypt and in Love.
NOT ONLY FICTION
If erotic fiction isn't your thing, you can get a non-fiction book to pretend you wrote.
Actually, the only one listed at the moment is Fruit Infused Water: 50+ Great Tasting Recipes? I'm guessing it's page one: add some strawberries to water, page two: add some kiwi fruit to water, etc. but maybe there's more to it. The blurb does suggest you get a fashionable water jug and stop listening to people trying to get you to go to the gym. This one is on sale for $317.
ALL OUT OF CHILDREN'S BOOKS?!
There's a category for children's books, too, but it's empty at the moment. In case you are desperate to write one without actually having to come up with the words, I'm going to get you started:
Puppy was looking at her with a kind of wild need. His jaw looked stiff, his lips were closed tight and his eyes mirrored the need of the quiet plea he had just made.
"Angela, please give me a doggie biscuit."
If you use that, please deposit $3.97 in my Paypal account.
(Those who have no objection to actually writing their own book may find mine, Your Writing Coach, helpful. It's published by Nicholas Brealey and available from your favorite bookseller.)
