The late Alert Ellis, founder of Rational-Emotive Therapy, pointed out that a great deal of stress comes from being upset that life isn't meeting our expectations...and that often these expectations are irrational.
For instance, we may think, "People should be honest," and when somebody cheats us, we are shocked and extremely upset, sometimes unable to let go of these emotions for a long time.
Ellis' thinking was that we know that not everybody is honest, so why are we so surprised when we encounter someone who isn't?
WHY (NOT) ME?
It's natural to be annoyed about it, but sometimes people get hung up about "Why did this have to happen to ME?!"
Actually, it happens to just about everybody at some stage, so feeling that we have somehow been targeted by fate also is irrational. (Plus, we seldom ask that question when something good happens to us.)
The more rational approach is to take reasonable precautions against being cheated, learn from it when it happens, and not expect people who cheat us once to do something different next time.
WHY IS OUR GENIUS NOT BEING RECOGNIZED THE WAY IT SHOULD?!
If we think about this in terms of writing, we can get upset that our writing isn't getting the attention it SHOULD.
History is full of excellent artists and writers whose work didn't get any attention until after they died, and probably even more whose work didn't get any attention after they died, either.
THREE WAYS WE CAN RESPOND
How are we to respond when people (like agents and publishers) aren't responding to our work the way we think they should?
* We can become bitter. I've met a few people who took that route. It's not much fun, and possibly bad for your health as well, certainly for your mental health.
* We can try to think of a different way to approach our writing or marketing, to see whether that gives us the response we'd like to get. For writers, that could mean self-publishing, publishing collaboratively, trying a different genre, performing their work, and many other options.
* We can consider redefining our definition of success. Is only the best-selling writer successful? Or does writing something that reaches a few thousand or a few hundred people qualify? How about something that changes just one person's life for the better? Could what we learn and experience from writing be enough of a benefit, regardless of how many people read our work?
What is not a good solution, as Ellis used to say, is "shoulding ourselves."
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