First. I'm not making this up.
On the "Friday Fun" section of their web site, The National Rifle Association has featured its own version of two classic fairy tales.
In their take on Little Red Riding Hood, Grandma is packing serious heat. When the wolf shows up, Granny (undoubtedly to be played by Clint Eastwood in a wig in the film) swings into action:
"The wolf leaned in, jaws open wide, then stopped suddenly. Those big ears heard the unmistakable sound of a shotgun's safety being clicked off. Those big eyes looked down and saw that grandma had a scattergun aimed right at him...
" 'I don't think I'll be eaten today,' said Grandma, 'and you won't be eating anyone again.' Grandma kept her gun trained on the wolf, who was too scared to move. Before long, he heard a familiar voice call 'Grandmother, I'm here!' Red peeked her head in the door. The wolf couldn't believe his luck—he had come across two capable ladies in the same day, and they were related! Oh, how he hated when families learned how to protect themselves."
I can imagine another version, in which Grandma is the nervous type and when Red knocks on the door the old lady thinks it's the wolf and lets Red have it with both barrels.
The NRA also came up with a version of Hansel and Gretel in which the siblings rescue two boys being held captive by the witch. Gretel covers the sleeping witch with a hunting rifle ("for she was a better shot than her brother") while Hansel unlocks the cage . The witch doesn't wake up and the local cops arrive to cart her away.
See, no violence in either story! They live happily ever after. Then again, maybe after doing a few years of time, the wolf gets out of jail and picks up an AK47 at a gun fair and stalks the now grown-up Red. Grandma (I see Meryl Streep) has hung up her guns due to deteriorating vision, but has to pick up that shotgun one last time...
