For a novel I'm working on I created a self-help guru whose movement is called "Wish Yourself Rich." It was based on the highly-successful (financially) "The Secret." I thought reality would never come up with anything more ridiculous.
I was wrong.
Here's the pitch I got in an email today:
"Do you want to EFFORTLESSLY manifest every goal, wish and dream you have WITHOUT having to learn or do anything at all?
A brand new technology is changing everything.
NO hundred-page books, expensive courses, day-long seminars, or "life coaches."
Yes. You don't need to "learn how to manifest" it or any of it.
Everything you want is yours in 15 minutes.
Money, wealth, insanely abundant lifestyle, success, freedom, breakthroughs, health, relationship...
I do mean EVERYTHING."
SIGN ME UP!
Finally! I mean, who has time to read books, especially ones that are 100 pages long? And a day-long seminar?! Forget it! I'm a busy man!
For sure I don't want to have to do anything at all, especially learn something! That's for geeks!
I'm going to have not only money but wealth! And if there's one kind of lifestyle I want, it's insanely abundant!
There's a PS: "Ya some may call it strange or just a little weird. I don't care. I simply call it AMAZING. Check it out now."
What kind of loser would call it "just a little weird" to get everything you want in 15 minutes without any effort?
This is exactly what I've been looking for. I can spare 15 minutes between episodes of Oprah and Cheaters, so let's see how much it costs.
HOW MUCH DOES INSTANT SUCCESS COST?
It turns out that the key to insane abundance is series of audio tracks you can buy for $47.
Let's see how it's worked for ordinary people like me. Surely there must be people who have used these tapes who would dictate testimonials to their butler while lounging by their swimming pool and lighting their cigar with $100 bills?
THOSE TESTIMONIALS
Surprisingly, there are only three testimonials.
The first comes from one Belle Gonzalez of Ashland, Oregon.
She writes, "“From the minute I put on my headphones, I instantly felt a different INSIDE my head! It was like my brain felt alive and in tune...in a way I’d never experienced. It was crazy. The most amazing part was, within the first week, I could absolutely tell a difference in what I was manifesting. I had attracted and closed two HUGE contracts! Cha-ching!”
Contracts? That sounds like work! I decided to look up Belle on Facebook.
There's only one. None of her posts are in English, they're in Filipino. If she got insanely abundant riches, it hasn't affected her eating habits; one of her posts shows a McDonald's tray with burgers and cheese-covered fries, labeled "A+ Meal!"
Next up is Jeremy Bryant of Los Angeles, who writes, rather poetically, if vaguely, “Using your frequencies has felt like the changing of the seasons...like from winter to spring...only it didn’t take months and months. I’ve got abundance popping up like flowers everywhere in my life. Thank you, thank you, thank you!”
Jeremy Bryant is too common a name to make it easy to locate him, but our final testimonial writer has a more unusual name, Vanessa Sharone.
She writes: "“When I first tried listening to your tracks, I was totally skeptical. Especially when I didn’t experience “instant” results in the first day or two. But I stuck it out, and I am so glad I did. Something powerful happened between week two and three. Relationships started getting deeper and more meaningful. My bank account started getting fatter. I had more energy. I even had friends ask what was up with me! I just smile and point to my headphones.”
The site says she lives in "Long Beach Island." I had to look that up, it's part of New Jersey. Indeed there's a Vanessa Sharone on Facebook, but her posts are in Malagasy.
Indeed there's a Vanessa Sharone on Facebook, but her posts are in Malagasy.
I had to look that up, too: Malagasy is a member of the Malayo-Polynesian branch of the Austronesian language family spoken by about 17 million in Madagascar, where it is the national and official language, and also in Comoros, Réunion and Mayotte."
AND THE MYSTERIOUS CREATOR OF THIS MIRACLE PROGRAM?
His name is Eddie Sergey. He spins a dramatic story of his past, including nearly dying at an early age, years of homelessness until he found the answer, etc. etc.
There's no Eddie Sergey on Facebook, but there are three Eddie Sergeyevs.
One works at a McDonalds, so I think we can rule him out, unless he's hugely wealthy but flips burgers for the fun of it.
One lives in Austin, Texas and appears to be a mixed martial arts fighter or at least fan.
And one lives in Poland. His Facebook site has only two posts on it, both from 2012.
None of these Eddies shows any obvious signs of insane abundance, but maybe that's just me being shallow.
AS FOR ME...
I tried the program, but 16 minutes later Donald Trump was still president so obviously it doesn't work.
I'm going to create an actual "Wish Yourself Rich" program and sell it to the same suckers people who bought this program. Maybe someday my yacht and Eddie's will end up docking at St. Tropez at the same time.
