Getting rejected is a normal part of every screenwriter's life but it can make it difficult to stay motivated.
Fortunately, cognitive therapy offers a lot of useful tools for making sure we don't let rejection affect us negatively.
Here are three distortions that are very common among writers when their work is rejected or they have other setbacks. As you read them, ask yourself whether any of these reflect your thinking.
Overgeneralization: the tendency to think that one event represents a pattern.
Example: Your screenplay is rejected, and you think, “This script is never going to sell!” Or you read an article about how a producer ripped off a writer, and you assume, “All these producers are out to cheat writers.”
Disqualifying the positive: the tendency to ignore or discount positive developments.
Example: You get a rejection but it includes an encouraging comment on it, and you think, “Who cares about positive comments, it still didn't sell.”
Or someone wants to produce a script for a short film you’ve written, and you think, “Yeah, but it isn’t for a feature script, so it doesn’t really count.”
Mind reading: the tendency to assume you know what someone else is thinking or their motivation.
Example: A producer says your script isn’t right for them, and you conclude, “They obviously think my writing isn’t good enough.”
The reality may be that it’s well-written but too close to something else they have in the works, or not in a genre they’re interested in at the moment.
Or you submit a query letter and don’t get an answer, and assume, “They must have hated that idea, probably it’s no good."
Unfortunately, not answering is the new “no” but that doesn’t mean they hated it, just that it wasn’t right for them at this point.
The solutions
By the way, you may have noticed that these are mistakes we make about rejection of all kinds, so knowing how to deal with it can come in handy in many contexts. Here's how to do it:
Notice it's happening.
It's hard to think clearly when you're upset, so start by sitting down, taking a deep breath and noticing what you're saying to yourself in response to the rejection.
Write down those thoughts. Then use the following methods to challenge the statements you've written down.
Overcoming overgeneralizations
If you’re thinking something “always” happens—does it, really?
Can you think of times when it didn't happen?
If you can't (because your thinking is clouded) ask someone close to you whether they can think of counter-examples.
It's unlikely, but what if it DOES always happen--every time? Then think about what you could do differently in order to get a different outcome.
If you tend to be so excited about what you've written that you send it out immediately to agents or producers and they consistently reject it, try holding back. Put it aside for a while. Get outside feedback. Rewrite as necessary. Repeat. Only when you're sure it's as good as you can make it, send it out.
Another example: If people never respond well to your spoken pitches, get some feedback on whether you're doing your ideas justice with how you present them. If necessary, get some coaching in public speaking or storytelling.
How to avoid disqualifying the positive
If you’re discounting something, ask what is genuinely positive about it.
Again, you may need to get someone who is more objective to help you with this.
An encouraging comment is a good sign that you're on the right track, even if it came jotted on a rejection slip.
Getting a short film made is great--many short films have attracted attention for their writers or even have become the basis of feature films.
If you absolutely can't think of anything positive, commit to withholding judgment. The positive element may become clear in time.
I'll give you a personal example: when my house burned to the ground years ago, I had a hard time finding the silver lining. Especially because not long afterward I found myself hospitalized with a blood clot. But those two events led me to re-evaluate what I wanted from life. I decided to move from Los Angeles to London, and I'm happier here than I was there.
Without a major wake-up call and not having to worry about all my possessions (since they all burned up), I don't know whether I would have made that move.
How to stop mind-misreading
If you’re mind-reading, come up with at least three other things the other person might be thinking. That's still mind-reading, but it opens you up to the fact that we can't know what's on another person's mind.
NLP guru Richard Bandler once said he likes to practice pronoia: the idea that the universe is conspiring to make him happy. Even if you don't go that far, I'm sure you can think of times when you assumed someone was thinking something and it turned out that wasn't it at all.
But even if someone did think, for example, that your script stinks, so what? That's one person's opinion. Almost every script or book that was accepted first had a bunch of rejections.
The bottom line
If you remind yourself that rejection is part of the process and not a catastrophe you'll find it much easier to move on.
